dream?

Have you ever had one of those dreams that seem so real, yet so good that you’re not sure what is reality and what was your dream?

pinch me… no seriously… right now… is this a dream?

The last update in which I mentioned him (Ben) was called Miraculous Reconciliation?- named appropriately. Within one day my heart was shaken and brought back to life as far as he goes… so where am I now?

I’m dreaming.

I’ve been so careful, not to let my heart go into a future and a hope that included him, but I can’t stop the dreams that come while I sleep… right?

So, it was February 26th, a Sunday about three weeks ago. The weather was starting to get stormy out, but being that we have only had one sprinkling of snow this unusual winter I had decided not to get my hopes up for the beautiful blanket of white that normally covers the valley. I had gone to church and was still thinking and rethinking through my decision to not go overseas at another amazing opportunity that seemed to just fall into my lap. Oh, but I did have a little light waiting for me at the end of the day… Olive Garden. I’d been planning on hanging out and talking with Ben that day and going to one of our favorite places to eat. We had been keeping to touch on weekends, just being friends, and man was it nice. I had been without my friend for so long that it was nice to simply not wince at hearing his name. God really had done a work.

While getting ready to go to dinner I contemplated the health that had returned to our friendship. Before, I had become fearful or upsetting him or doing something wrong, or doing something that he didn’t like. I almost felt like I was walking on eggshells trying to “be good,” but obviously all that had changed. Having ended our engagement and friendship (to some extent) those restraints and rules were removed. My life and heart had come back to life, I had been restored to what God had intended for me to be from the beginning. As some would say, “your glow of life is back.”

During our time of separation, we both were grounded into relying on our Savior and HIM alone. It was good. Spending time together as friends was good as well.

So we ended up eating at Olive Garden (which was fabulous!), but about half way through I recognized my heart had gone to far AGAIN! As we were talking about possibilities of going overseas to work, I began seeing in both my heart and mind Ben and I serving overseas and living for our Lord. Ahhhhh, I had worked for so long and so hard to keep myself from going there. I have to be ok with being single, I have to be okay with just trusting God and not telling God what I want from Him.

Needlessly to say, I got real quiet, and he noticed.

On the way home I tried to explain my heart and frustration and I apologized because I knew I was wrong… but I explained how I will either have to die, or he will have to get married in order for the glimpse of hope that I have for us to finally die.

it got quiet again

As we were driving into the valley he brought up one of my old blog posts. He explained that he had read some of the posts and he was really sorry for how selfish he had been- the truth was that he still didn’t know what my favorite flower was. I told him- that was a bummer and tried to change the subject. As he persisted I finally told him that Plumerias are my favorite, but that I never expected him to get them because they were illegal in some states, and impossible to find. He then explained how it is healthy to tell the other person what we want in a relationship even just friendships- or else they’ll never know.

Jokingly I said, “Oh, is that all I have to do? Well, let me see, I would like a covering and a diamond ring.”

Uh oh

There I went again… way too far Kallie, way to far!!

I could see beads of perspiration form on his forehead as his eyes jetted back and forth from the mirrors to the road while ringing his hands around the steering wheel. Thankfully he pulled himself out of what I saw as the pit I just threw him in and he nonchalantly continued… “oh, a diamond huh, well, what kind of diamond?”

Thankfully the conversation led to more simple small talk about jewels and gold- which I obviously knew nothing about, but he was definitely more well-versed in. Still feeling the stress of the spring of hope in my heart and trying to avoid any more foolishness on my part; I jumped out of the truck as soon as we pulled into the driveway; I ran through the brisk air to my truck and quickly opened the door to leave.

As quickly as I had reached for the door, Ben was at my side shutting the door with unusual force. In the moment of confusion I just looked at him and tried to understand the look in his eyes. In that moment he whisked his jacket (which had been my Dads) around me and said, “will you look in the pocket please.”

My heart lept. My breath froze.

Kallie… it is probably just gum… DO NOT GO THERE.

I reached into the inside pocket of the jacket with unusual slowness and felt a small leather covered box. I could feel my heart beat in my ears and my hand began to tremble as I pulled out a box.

This is it.

This is it.

This is the real thing.

This is a ring.

As I opened the box my eyes widened at the size of the most beautiful silver diamond ring I had ever seen.

Tears flooded my eyes and my knees became weak as I collapsed into his arms knowing… A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.

The dream gets crazier.

I awake the morning after to a beautiful blanket of snow covering the valley floor with the fresh whiteness of diamonds. Suddenly all of the times the Lord had spoken to me, all of the whispers of what were to come, all of the promises, my hopes, and dreams came flooding into my heart.

He was right.

My God was faithful.

Everything He said was true.

Every bitter word and thought that had been muttered through my lips had rolled right off of Him and His plan had continued to proceed. Every time I was faithless- He remained faithful.

pinch me.

Tuesday- parents are notified. 4 plane tickets are booked and we are planning for a wedding in a week and 2 day.

The dress still fits.

The lodge is available.

The license is bought.

And I find myself with my best friends and soon to be family getting a pedicure for my wedding.

I’m blessed beyond belief by my Most Amazing Friends and family and there I find myself… bouquet in hand… walking down the aisle to How He Loves.

pinch me.

We share from our hearts the things that we know the Lord is doing and leading us into… we are declared Husband and Wife and kiss…

pinch me.

We dance to Something Beautiful and then have everyone join in on the Cha Cha Slide.

Our friends give toasts, we share some strawberry cheesecake… then my husband wisps me away for our first night together as husband and wife.

pinch me.

I sit here now, with two rings on my finger and a husband to go home for, and I’m a little nervous. Is it all a dream?

I know that we are newly weds and we don’t know anything when it comes to being husband and wife. After all, it’s only been a week and a day, but I meant every word I said at that ceremony, and it was beautiful.

More beautiful than any dream I have dreamed…

Here are the lyrics to the song that was played while the bridal party walked down the aisle (this song brought tear to my eyes as I realized how this was our story…):

 

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed ‘til my voice was gone

And watched through the tears as everything
came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left behind
But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:
Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning…
in the morning, beauty will rise
So take another breath for now
,and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can’t believe I will believe for you.
‘Cuz I have seen the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:
Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes

Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning…
in the morning… I can hear it in the distance
and it’s not too far away.
It’s the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.
can almost feel the hand of God reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say,

“It’s time to make everything new.”
“Make it all new”
This is our hope.
This is the promise.
This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that’s been made
out of the ashes…out of the ashes…That it would take our breath away to see the beauty that He’s made
out of the ashes…out of the ashes…
Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of this darkness… new life will shine
and we’ll know the joy is coming in the morning…in the morning…beauty will rise!

Oh, Beauty will rise
Oh, Beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, Beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, Beauty will rise
Oh, oh, oh, Beauty will rise

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About desireunleashed

Prone to wonder Lord I feel it, prone to leave the One I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy throne above.
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