This last weekend reconciliation was on my heart
So we talked
For a long time
It was good
But I still wonder if it is truly possible.
I know that the only counselor we truly need is the Holy Spirit
and that is who I knew was leading this discussion…
But my heart felt hope again… hope that we might come together again… and I know in my mind that is insane. I know it is almost wrong… but isn’t that a miracle in and of itself?
I’m tired of weary hope.
I initiated it because I was tired of causing division because of our break-up… between our friends, our churches, our families, and even our hearts. I was tired of living in hurt and living in an expectation of hatred. I don’t hate him and honestly, I feel like the Lord has allowed a washing and renewing in my heart from the hurt and pain of the past decisions and circumstances.
(but just so you know, we are at a minimum “brother and sister in Christ,” so don’t feel bad for mentioning the other persons name… we only have good will and care for each other)
I will not live in regret.
I will not live in hurt.
I WILL live in the life to the full that the Lord has promised me,
I will live in the Love He calls me to…
My friend Jeni, had told me about the love story of one of her advisers. He told her about how he had dragged his feet in committing to his “girlfriend” of the time and she left… moved away. One day he thought, “You know, she is an amazing woman who is going to do amazing things with her life. If in five years I hear about all of things she has done with her life- I’m going to be jealous that I wasn’t a part of it.”
He then flew to where she was and they were married.
Obviously, that isn’t your typical story, or even the typical romance, but in my mind it is so beautiful.
The Truth is- no woman can make this happen in the mind of a man… but any woman can BECOME a woman who is worthy of the pursuit- even if a worthy pursuer never comes.
Whether I ever get married or not, I will be a woman that will make a difference with the life that the Lord has given me. I don’t care how cliche you think that sounds… I mean it from the depth of my heart. Make fun of the “world changer” mentality all you want, when it is true- you’ll realize it’s not laughable, but powerful.
He loves me too deeply to let such distance remain between Him and I… UNLESS there is a greater purpose for me to be here.
So, as long as I am here. I will do whatever He calls me to.
I am His. I will live for Him. The decision has been made… I have stepped over the line… there is no turning back. I WILL live each day to the fullest, I will live each day for Him, and you can’t stop me.
So what effects will this reconciliation have?
I don’t know.
But I trust it is good… and in the mean time I trust my Lord with every feeling, emotion, and hope.
One day at a time.
Each day for Him.