Frightening Fridays

It seems to be the night we look forward to all week.
The beginning of the weekend.

But I’m nervous.

This is my birthday weekend. Tomorrow I turn 27 years old.
I’m not sure what that 27 just did to you, but its been interesting to see the reactions I get from people. Apparently, I can look older or younger than my real age. I think people just need to stop “telling how old” someone is. In the same day awhile back my close friend whose 5 years younger than me were hanging out. One guy starts talking to us and asks us if we’ve graduated High School yet (at the time she was 20 and I was 25), then only 5 minutes later a different guy asks if I’m her Mom. Hmmmm… just stop.

Actually the other day I was told- “your hair cut makes you look younger,” apparently that was a compliment, but its interesting because I had until that moment always been given compliments in the other direction- oh you look so much more mature in your “professional clothes” or whatever.

It’s just funny.

My roommate from college had her birthday a little over a month ago. We decided 27 just seems to be a good age. Kind of like a… I’m getting the hang of this thing we call life.

But, honestly, I’m not feeling it today.

This could be, because it is Friday and my plans for the evening entail… nothing.

Yes, that’s right. nothing… including this entire weekend. Ok, I may be exaggerating a bit, I am going to lunch with one of my sisters tomorrow and helping out our youth group with a “Christmas Light Parade” tomorrow night, but that’s it.

My Dad it with the Lord.
My Mom is on a trip doing her thing with an organization she’s involved with.
And everyone is busy.

I’m not entirely bothered by it, but obviously, I am a little or else I wouldn’t be writing about it.

I guess, my sadness really stems from not being with my ex-fiancee. The last 3 birthdays have  all be really special because of things we have done. Last year he planned and made an entire middle eastern meal for me and even decorated his house to do it. It was probably the best birthday ever. The year before that we had a party with my friends and family, and the year before that he sent me a pizza via the delivery guy (he lived in the midwest at the time) that had “24” written on it in pepperonis.

So, I’m a little bummed.

I know I can’t celebrate my birthday with him.

I doubt he even remembers it’s my birthday because he’s so consumed with his own pain right now, but it is just hard.

Where have all my friends gone?

Before him, I had a family that actually got together, before my Dad died. Now, I know there is no chance my family will do anything.

It’s weird, because I feel in even writing this- I’m being a stuck up snobby girl who just wants things. But honestly, that’s not the case. I don’t want any thing. My love language is quality time. I just want to be with someone who loves me.

But instead I’ll be spending the weekend alone.

Stupid Fridays.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll appreciate all the Facebook posts, but really… that doesn’t do anything. So, I’ll go about my weekend and just pretend like nothing is different. I’ll just go to the activities and places with a smile on and try not to let everyone see my desire inside.

So happy Friday to all of you… hope you find better things to do!

AND please, if you find yourself with family and friends tonight, or even this weekend. Will you please just appreciate them? Please? Set aside all of the stupid things that you argue about or get upset about and just be loved. Just spend time together. Just love each other!


About desireunleashed

Prone to wonder Lord I feel it, prone to leave the One I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy throne above.
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