Today, I was on my way home from my second job. I stopped by the store and picked up some coffee and eggs. I returned a couple movies to the Redbox. Picked up another. Got home. Fed my neighbors dog. Made some dinner (including some freshly cooked and crisp zucchini and asparagus). Now, I sit watching a movie and typing on my blog.
I’ve heard lately that I just need to be content.
I just need to be thankful.
I know to some extent there is truth in this. As I was cooking my dinner, I had my music playing and Jeremy Camp’s song Enough came on. I began singing along to the song when I finally started listening to the lyrics I was saying:
More than all I am
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough
Honestly, I found it a bit ironic that singing along with the song came to easily, when I can say that this really hasn’t been what my heart has been feeling of late.
As a matter of fact I just had a converstaion with my Mom yesterday, and she was telling me how much I should be grateful for.
But have you ever noticed that when someone tells you that you should be grateful, it doesn’t really change your feeling right then and there?
Yeah, it wasn’t helpful.
But I understand her heart and that of others…
I should be thankful
I should be enjoying the blessings that the Lord has given me
I should be enjoying and loving my job
I should be grateful for the warm place I live in
I should be thankful for the food I eat
the bills I can pay
the family I still have living
I know this all to be true… and I am thankful.
Yet I don’t feel like I can reach that contentment.
I can’t help but shake this sense of contentment being a a sort of giving up. Giving up a greater hope. A greater plan. A bigger destiny? Is that selfish of me?
Is it selfish to desire more?
To think that God has something amazing planned?
According to Jeremiah 29:11, we believe that “God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.”
But He never says that those plans are going to be big… and amazing… or even prosperous according to our own ideas of “prospering.”
So what do we do?
Do we give up all of our own hopes and dreams and just settle with the idea that this is the best it gets? Lose our life?
Or do we fight for something better? Do we hope that there is more and not give up on that idea?
Or is there a balance? Can we be content with what we have and yet strive for something more?
How do we find the balance between contentment and a hope for something better? Or how do we keep our contentment from becoming just a bunch of… small planning, colorless dreams, and dwarfed goals?