Vacancy

Jesus speaks in Matthew 12 about the vacancy left behind after an unclean spirit is removed:

43 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.”

When Jesus is speaking right here, he is talking about the fact that getting something “taken care of” and “cleaned out” is not enough. It then needs to be filled with something as an alternative… that is good.

In what I have seen, people who have tried “getting out of the drug or alcohol” scene have had greater success through programs like teen challenge because they not only help remove the problem, but also give the person something to fill that empty vacancy in their lives with. It’s amazing!

But here is my problem. I have a vacancy in my life right now. It’s A LOT bigger than I ever guessed it would be. I had allowed my heart to be almost completely devoted to the One I thought the Lord called me to serve through marriage.

And suddenly that entire area of my heart is vacant.

There is nothing there.

So many people, when talking to singles, say “the key is keeping yourself busy.”

I try.

I am currently working two jobs. I leave before the sun is up and get leave work after it has gone down. I have two Bible studies I go to in the evenings. I’m busy.

But I leave work last night at 6:30, and have just 30 minutes before Bible Study starts… and I totally break down.

I start weeping in my car as I drive away from my workplace.

30 freaking minutes of down time and I’m down for the count. I couldn’t even pull myself together enough to go to Bible Study. Instead, I went home, and went to bed.

I HATE THIS.

I know my heart is vacant, but no matter what I try to fill it with… I still come up empty. I know I’ve always thought, “Well, people just need to be filled with the Lord and then they will have true fulfillment.” But I TRY. I know it’s not just about CHURCH, but about a relationship with Christ. BUT I TRY. I pray. I cry out. I read the Bible. I do everything I can, but I end up still with this pain.

I feel like my purpose has been destroyed.

I need resurrection. I need a resurrection of purpose and calling. I had been thoroughly convinced that the Lord was calling me to be a wife and perhaps a mother, and I had prepared and learned to come to the point of accepting that call, but now its been removed…

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About desireunleashed

Prone to wonder Lord I feel it, prone to leave the One I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy throne above.
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One Response to Vacancy

  1. As they say, time heals everything. My mom went through that, and she managed to heal. We’re great now, after 11 years. It was so painful then, when my dad left. But yeah, everything has its purpose. God wouldn’t give us something we can’t bear. God removes the things that’s not necessary for the fulfillment of our purpose, and most of the time, He removes those we thought from the start was the one for us. But in due time, we’ll understand. So cheer up. Pain is just temporary. 🙂

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