Currently my fiancee is “taking a week off” of everything, and although it has been hard during this time of confusion, I have found it very interesting having absolutely no contact with him for the last 4 days. Although we haven’t been on amazing terms for months, I find it interesting how much we still were connected- whether through texting or emailing and seeing each other at church.
I have mixed feelings.
On one side, I have missed him tremendously. Even just the simple things like making enchiladas and needing to give someone half of them because I can’t eat them all, or finding something or seeing something amazing and just wanting to share it with him. This leaves me sad… because I don’t have someone to share with.
But on the other hand, I have found it very interesting as to how my mindset it so very different when he is not around.
One of my favorite things in the world to do is make and give meaningful and thoughtful gifts to people. Today I did just that. There is a girl that has been going to the Bible Study that I attend and she was asking me questions about women in the church and the role that women are to play and I advised her to check out Captivating. It is a book that changed my view on myself as a woman, and truly made me see that I am of much value to my Father. Well, I had seen her on Saturday and she told me she was working today… so I was able to put together a fun little package to bless her that included the book… oh how it brought to me so much joy to give this package to my friend.
I also was able to attend a service with one of my dear and close friends and then have time afterwards to pray for her…
These things I have not been able to do for months… because I have been so consumed with my own issues. I have been more interested in trying to figure out how I can leave church without talking to anyone, than I have been able to bless people or be used by God in areas like these. It was soooo refreshing.
I’m not saying I don’t want things to work out… or that I don’t want to get married, BUT I am saying I want to get about the Lord’s business. I want to give. I want to get out of this pit I’m in.
I want LIFE and life to the FULL…